Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
