i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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