i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
