brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
