so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
