He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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