if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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