I looked at my own cervix.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
