He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
