How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
