If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
