dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
