Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
