you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
