put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
