You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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