you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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