I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
