meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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