just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
