If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
