i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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