at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
