its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
