Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
