she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
