hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
