you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
