i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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