I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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