Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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