Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
