Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
