WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
