If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
