I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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