Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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