she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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