Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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