i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
