so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
