dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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