the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
