there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
