I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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