May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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