I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
