somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
