I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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