okay pat passed out under dana's car
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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