bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
