HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
